I really miss summer now that I’m settled into the first semester and wearing pants most days of the week. Although I enjoy walking everywhere and I just watched the presidential debate with sixty other people (rather than holing up in my bedroom, ashamed of being the only person in my family to care about politics), I’m starting to miss Connecticut out of a place other than loneliness.
The opposite of loneliness used to be Cohen’s bagels, not wearing shoes, sitting in the passenger seat of Michael’s car playing him new music, making breakfast by myself in the morning, sprawling out on Catie’s kitchen floor eating microwaveable pizza. At college, it’s listening to unreleased Lana songs on Peter’s mattress on the floor, dipping Grundle ice cream into little pots of Hershey’s chocolate sauce in between licks, strangers making room for you on the bus even if your headphones are blasting Tame Impala way too loud and you look extremely prone to spilling your coffee everywhere, never being the only person in the library. I’m not sure what being the last to leave is like, but I hope it’s not lonely and that they smell laundry from exhaust fans on their starry walk back home.
Here is a curated snapshot of what I did before I had to live with five other strangers in a small suite I now (enthusiastically) call home.
Friday, August 12th: Woke up early, naturally. Read in bed for hours. Cohen’s with Emily; french toast with very berry cream cheese bagel. Stared at Modern Lovers in RJ Julia’s. Therapy. Hammonasset Beach State Park, West Beach. Swimming next to wet boys. Lime chips and hummus. Sweaty. Bought a candle. Emily’s CD I made for her last summer kept skipping and it sounded cool; wonder if that is how the whole DJing concept came to fruition. Final play practice. Watched Garrett learn the tabs for You and I by Ingrid Michaelson on Alex’s ukulele. I have ten mosquito bites. Took quizzes in my sister’s magazine and ate ice cream for dinner. Finally convinced myself to get the discounted Jack Rogers I’ve been eyeing for a month.
Saturday, August 13: Woke up late. Cohen’s again except I got cinnamon crunch; they were all out of french toast. Saw Michael and Catie after seventeen days apart. FJ Cruiser. High by Peking Duk (Yahtzel Remix). Cleaned my room and watched Casey Neistat’s Draw My Life video. Cried. Church fair with Wyatt, got lemonade. First night of my play. Tried not to fuck up. Denny’s, twice. Ice cream for 2/3 meals. Laughing. Said goodbye to Catie.
Sunday, August 14th: Woke up before my alarm and made my usual breakfast bowl. Acted in play. Dripping sweat moving heavy set into my car. Penne a la vodka with my family. Said goodbye to Riley and cried and watched Jillian cry and laughed. Vacation talks. Leona. Couldn’t walk away. Saying goodbye is getting progressively more difficult. Organized closet. Sleep.
Monday, August 15th: Woke up late for work. Wanted to die. Ate popcorn for breakfast. Talked to Julie about the Lilly Pulitzer sale I missed, we wore our matching shoes that day. Put on eyeliner and mascara and went grocery shopping with Arielle. Visited Mr. Samet. She wasn’t wearing a bra and we can’t tell if he noticed. Stared at his huge living room clock and ate Milanos. Went on a sunset bike ride to Hatfield and created a new town in Animal Crossing. Finished cleaning out my closet.
Tuesday, August 16th: Woke up early. Took my brother to his first day of freshman orientation and had a Dunkin date. The strap of my new dress broke as I tried to deposit my scholarship checks. Made a sandwich and played Animal Crossing again. Cristy’s with Matt and Brett. Matt’s first time and his taste in music. Got a postcard from Maggie in the mail. Fell asleep reading at golden hour. Michael came over. Planned Block Island trip.
Wednesday, August 17th: Woke up early for work, but was still late. On self for a few hours, warm sea breeze flew in. Ate a donut. Got Cohen’s and went to the beach with Deja. Crabs kept crawling all over me. There were no jellies this summer? Also no hurricanes? Cleaning gum off my lenses and eating cocoa almonds. Talking about exciting things we are scared of. Getting my Jack Rogers and new computer in the mail. James Farmacy and a great causeway drive with Michael and my sister. Flume. Getting my to-do list done.
Thursday, August 18th: Woke up naturally at 8 AM. Brought rice cakes, coconut peanut butter, Larabars and coffees to Olivia. Stuck in traffic on route one. Wore Riley’s red dress and my new shoes. Played with Brody and the dogs and talked about Harambe. Watched Grease and Legally Blonde with my sister. Cried. Therapy by myself for the first time. More crying. Route one traffic once again; Thursday nights in Madison. Stared at Modern Lovers once again. Make Me Fade by K. Flay. Crawled into bed and wrote and read and wore Christmas pajamas.
I go home this weekend, and I can’t wait to wake up on Sunday morning. I want it to smell like bacon, even though I hate it, and I want to go on a bike ride and get Cooking Company and drive ten miles over the speed limit on Route 81.